In our 9-year relationship, we've fought three times total.

she looks constipated and high

I have a tattoo in Arabic on my left hip. One day I was at the beach and this rando interurupts me reading...

Q: Why did the skinheads accept him?

I am an owner of 10 rad tattoos and one... that is regrettable. I spent my sophomore year of college studying abroad in Denmark. At the end of the semester, my then-best friend (who was doing the same thing - getting drunk and calling it school - in Norway) and I decided to do a food and drink tour of Italy. Lots of…

It's a spade because obv I was hardXcore at 17 years old. Used to hang out with a 20-something Juggalo who had the hots for me and maybe/maybe not traded some BJs for beer. He had a 'tattoo artist' friend who owed him a 'favor' (drug money) and was like "omg grl i can hook you up with a free tat ilu." Being a very…

I have a tattoo of Larry David. It's his head on an ant body. I call it "Larry David the piss ant".

Not mine but good. My brother got a GIANT "Established 1986" across his upper-back between his shoulder blades. Then, in 2006 he was drinking whisky, took off his shirt and was wandering around a parking lot with his whisky bottle. So he see's a a cop and thinks he'd better scram so he turns to walk away and....…

I knew a guy once who had the classic drunken blackout tattoo moment, except that when he woke up with a brand new mystery tattoo, his was beautiful and said "Karate Explosion" in gorgeous script with pretty curlicues and stuff. Did he do karate? No he did not. Does he know where he got the tattoo? No he does not.…

Ughhhhhhh. I have a power button between my shoulder blades in solid black.

Um, did we have sex? If so, and I'm sorry to tell you, the sex was bad. Really very bad. Don't get me wrong though, I'd have sex with you again, but that's only because bad sex is better than no sex. If you live in the PNW, we should make it happen (again).

My friend and his girlfriend were at the bar where I work and his girlfriend had just made an appointment to get a new tattoo. My pal decided he wanted a tattoo, so his girlfriend and I were drawing up really awful but funny ideas. My friend was like, "I'm just going to get a velociraptor wearing a monocle drinking a…

My friend used to tell the following story: "One time I was about to fuck this girl, but she had a bunch of crabs tattooed above her pussy. So I didn't fuck her because how could you fuck a girl with crabs tattooed above her pussy?" Guess which part of that story he later admitted wasn't true? God love him.

I believe Lindy asked for photos?

This is a different kind of tattoo horror story.

Dear National Review,

She touched me. Physically, right on my arm. Emotionally, right in my heart.