Welcome to ‘Zardspin, boys. Our next post: Did ‘Shington’s deal for ‘Riza free up ‘Rad ‘Eal to focus more on his ‘fensive game? You be the ‘udge.

Too bad there isn’t a coastal team named the Polyps so that Markelle Fultz could go play for the “Yips”

Still only the 2nd most impressive rise from the dead today:

“Daddy, why is this song called ‘Windows 95'?”

James Harden is one of the very best basketball players in the world and the NBA would be worse off without his handles and shooting and creative abilities

He traveled. 

Is this the same Kobe Bryant that raped that woman in Colorado?

If Haisley wrote this article it would be titled “American Soccer are Fine” (and the content would be totally different, but regardless).

Josh, I know you’re just a freelancer, but Deadspin’s resident soccer expert would like a word with you.

Let’s see you guys make a jumpshot with your mom on your back.

The cameras were just to make sure Embiid wasn’t living there rent-free.

The carpet should match the coach:

Exactly. I’m not worried, though. I’m certain that Ashley Feinberg will clear this up for us in a follow up post. She really is great here at Deadspin.

uh-huh, sure

Imagine Your Boss Is Michael Jordan, And Imagine He’s Angry Enough To Hit You

There’s no proper English translation (and its quite cool actually), but Thomas Müller as “Der Raumdeuter” means “The Space Invader Who Kicks People In The Head”.

So last night while drinking too much and checking in on Drew for probably the 25th time that day, I decided to sketch a loving tribute. I use the term “sketch” loosely because I basically just ripped off (and for a good chunk of it I downright traced) the Death of Superman comic book cover. I don’t really understand…

I assume Nicki used #ArnoldPalmer because this story is only half tea.

Surprised Ben didn’t just go in anyway. He seems the type of guy to do that.

Well then. That’s a guaranteed way to win any argument.