thankyou it means alot i will keep this in mind and yeah i try to stay positive i just had a mental breakdown was stupid to put it here but oh well

i guess expecting people to be nice is too much then

i will never call a helpline or anything as it won’t fix things for me just try and force me to ACCEPT IT i forbid myself to accept it either i get it backor my life is nothing to me

google zzcool depression or taltigolt depression you’ll see and no theres no sense in wasting time i want the impossible i want everything back that i lost i refuse to help myself until i get that right now i am just waiting and seeing what will happen

mad league

as mentiond no but it finalized the whole thing i was suicidal back in 2006 too

and i am 22 years old that channel was huge back in the days but i used all of it to help people i made every kind of wrong choice you could think of so now i have nothing i had something now i have nothing

i grew up on the internet so i take everything personal internet to me is real life your comment alone pushed me like 1% now that i know you weren’t serious it feels slightly better

yeah i can say right now that it won’t happen i’ve tried it’s not possible to make that choice so instead i just hope something happens that pushes me to it it’s not a “cry for attention” it’s more of a i don’t know what to do kind of thing

Iam weak and stupid that couldn’t say no a sad story about losing your job or home was all it took, if i were to sum up my losses on nothing the last 3 years or so it would be over $60 000, but thats not all i also lost my channel that i worked for for 6 years and thats still not all and people expect me to be happy…

being given comments that what i am going through doesn’t matter at all “get over it” “people have it worse than you” “life is unfair” just pushes me a whole lot further you will never understand the pain and i am too tired to explain it

sorry for what you are going through but just because someone else has it worse than me doesn’t make things easier for me if more people said what you said then i’d be pushed much further and yes i have no business here which is why i am waiting and waiting to finally just end it

In the end i lost everything my channels popularity all my money everything one guy owes me over $10 000 i couldn’t say no when he said oh i am going to lose my home if i don’t get 500 dollars then he kept on going and going and the debt grew, pewdiepie i’ve mentiond he blocked me when he no longer needed help he sent…

Thankyou i do my best and i have birds and yeah that project was an extreme amount of preassure so i blame myself for it’s failure, sometimes i have to channel my pain somewhere in this case i had to do it on kotaku because i got sad and look like a view money wh*re but sometimes i just lose it and channel it anwhere…

thankyou i apreeciate it i just don’t have energy for therapy it may sound awful to the point where i “deserve” all this but i don’t care about myself all i care about is gaining back what i lost thats the only thing i spend time on nothing else about me matters, i tried therapy before didn’t help and i don’t want to…

thankyou not about editing though just that they happened to miss my tip it’s common bad luck nothing else

Not saying it has to do with not being featured not being featured is something i’ll get over whithin tommorow, nothing will help unless i get featured more than once or a video actually goes viral or my channel does so videos actually get views one video getting views is about the same as using a defib it goes alive…

You can’t really vent online as people find joy in making fun of it even if you go as far as explaining that you are suicidal people will still find joy in it and laugh at it, but at this point i honestly don’t care if anything i am happy with the hate as i am easily influenced by hate meaning if i get pushed too far…

main motivator for that channel was doing something i was proud and happy of i was the only one who did gta mod videos back then noone cared then 500+ people started caring and my channel wen’t from somethig unique to nothing nothing at all and is that the main reason why i am litterally thinking about killing myself…

thanks no that channel is like an addiction to me like a drug it will be the death of me and i can’t quit it’s pretty negative to say but it’s also very very true