One good thing about unemployment is that I’ve spent the day drinking some boxed wine. I got pinot noir so I can sing Titus’ song from Kimmy Schmidt whenever I feel sad.

Having been married to a narcissist, I can’t help but feel bad for her. He was probably incredible to her at the beginning, she probably fell madly in love with that false persona, and he probably had her sign papers that will financially destroy her if she leaves.

Silver picture frame. I’m almost certain. And yes, I am going to miss her like I missed my best friend when she moved away in the 5th grade.

He probably doesn’t consider anyone in his decisions to do anything.

No, freezer-burned Trump steaks.

I think it’s Trump’s actual cash assets, about $1200, all in ones and fives. And copies of loan applications to the Bank of Russia. And a note that says “Please help me.”

I just saw the pic of Pres. Obama getting into Marine One after the inauguration and started weeping quietly at my desk. This was clearly the wrong month to give up alcohol.

The box was just recycled, there is a Kohls scarf inside from a boxing day sale.

When going higher physically pains you

My guess? Nice bed sheets. Like really nice ones. The kind that you’d find at an expensive hotel in say, Moscow. Only they smell very vaguely of urine for some reason.

Beyonce’s head.

Took me 5 min in photoshop:

It’s this tweet, framed and signed

Something garish and completely becoming of the gollum our piece of shit nation just elected president.

They straight up live next door to Tiffany’s. This is the equivalent of me handing Barack a gift from my bodega.

Of course it’s Tiffany’s box.

Jade egg???

Another similarity: if you rip off his wig, he’ll die.

How funny Trump said that when his appointed cabinet is full of millionaires!