Totally legit.

They are still pre-teens! I got sucked into a Dance Moms marathon a week or two back that ended with live interviews with the girls, and their outfits/makeup had me thinking the older ones were sixteenish.

I don't want to be their friend because I'm old and that's creepy, but if Maddie or Kendall want to come by and…

I'm gonna start a tampon smuggling ring. Who's with me?

Woman: I just want to be left alone when I walk down the street.

"so WHY is this whole ensemble serving Jaclyn Smith?" you say that like it's a bad thing, so I'm thinking you mean K-Mart's Jaclyn Smith line and not this goddess of the hot rollers?

I just darken my ombre for the winter. Jared, it's time to get with the program.

Isn't he a rapist, or something?

There is actually a hole in the back of the fanny pack he slips his penis through, so if you unzip it all you see is dick.

but wait actually i would like to contend this alleged "he got hot, like, objectively?"

I hate him and his turdy self.

Cats would never do this to anyone— they just don't have the attention span. This is why I will marry my cat and live happily ever after.

If you are trying to pretend that you're still the young buck when you're my age, it just doesn't work.

I have that friend! She is also gluten-sensitive, having followed all the diseases-du-jour for several decades, from tinnitus to ADHD to, oh, what's the one where you're sore all over and just generally weak and unwell?

Please draw a penis brain for the class.

Gross. I can smell the rage sweat on him from here.

He was definitely the creepiest vampire in "Lost Boys."

My Bengal does that to whenever we get a nice dry snow which doesn't happen often in Seattle.

Mothers, Don't Let Your Sons Grow Up To Be Assholes