You’re quite good but the parody is a little too on the nose. You gotta soften it a little, talk about “economic anxiety” before you hit ‘em with the buzzwords.

If I can’t recharge it to full in under 2 minutes, it’s useless!

Give it a custom horn that yells “HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!”

I dunno man, with all those capital letters and exclamation points, how could Gordon possibly be incorrect? 

Can the tree of liberty be cut down by a single Herring? 

I’ve been to both, too. Detroit isn’t remotely that bad. 

Torque vectoring: exists

Torch vectoring: fundamentally incapable of existing 

This is a humanitarian disaster waiting to happen. We’ll need to import vast supplies of u’s with which to flavo(u)r our words, which would be poor neighbo(u)rly behavio(u)r to poor Wales.

As long as there’s a flying sequence with the Beach Boys’ “I Get Around,” I’ll be happy.

The man in black fled across the internet, and the controversy followed.

Rename him Pumat Sol and have Matt Mercer give him a gormless Canadian accent.

“Krang feels conflicted about fighting a young blind girl.”

I wouldn’t call them “unrelated;” as crocodilians, dinosaurs, and avian dinosaurs/birds are both types of archosaurs, right?

“eve online learning curve”

All Challengers Are Broken? 

At first I thought you were using the Changli itself as an obscure measure of length, like a furlong. 

...this is the most perfect analogy.

Don’t shortchange them now, they’re working pretty hard on War, Famine, and Death too. 

“Thast because he knows all the peons that work for him are liars and jealous of his hard earned money /s”

I loved Alexander. It’s just such a wonderfully weird-AF series of raids. And the gobbo-EDM music is the icing on the massive steampunk primalcake.