“One thing I never could stand about San Antonio ... all the damn vampires.”

I’m sorry, no, Pop won’t be able to do that because I’ve already planned out his post-NBA career pretty comprehensively. He’s going to retire from coaching and move directly into the White House, where he will drop kick Trump and the rest of the horror show into the toilet and then flush them to hell where they belong…

Patron is all marketing.

My man. Don Julio 1942 is the best. I feel about Patron the way others feel about Hennessy. Leave that stuff at home.

They say that if you head to any soccer pitch in Brazil and listen closely, you can still hear Howard blocking Belgian shots and screaming at his teammates to get their dicks in gear.

Spurs
Current: 13*
Former: 6

Yep. We have reached the end-point of the shittiness of poptimism. And you’re absolutely right that the white dude Gen X authenticity obsession was obnoxious and badly in need of correction, but whoo-doggie have culture writers ever over-corrected. Kanye is not your friend. Ed Sheeran does not have enough thoughts to…

Okay, Japan has officially gone too far with their vending machines.

I agree that Katie Brown’s great, but Dejan was also a great hockey writer at one point. I grew up reading him, (although I no longer live in Pittsburgh, and didn’t know he had his own site until today.) and he seemed like the most knowledgeable hockey writer in town. He also seemed like a really cerebral and nice guy…

I’d like to think that Michael tells Jason the news and then Jason transubstantiates into a single point of light and energy and then blinks out of dimensional space time, because nothing quite so amazing could possibly await him in the Good Place, not even an angelic host of pop lockers and an all-you-can eat…

My personal favorite

Meanwhile, the Wilpons were too cheap to pay the gas bill, so their stove doesn’t fucking work.

We’re aware. Trust me. The football fans least happy after a Steelers win that isn’t a Super Bowl are Steelers fans. Always.

You only say that because you have never seen his sister play. Better shooting and actual defense.

Phil Kessel is the best thing to happen to American hockey since the 1980 miracle on ice!

Phil Kessel is a national treasure, and if you disagree, you are wrong.