I always avoid the 13th/14th century wings of art museums. Baby Jesuses with adult proportions freak me out.

Damn highlight woofers.

Still a better defender than James Harden.

If they were really Sikh, they should have just stayed home and rested up anyway.

Signing Heyward may be the move of the year, if only because it’s driving Cardinals fans fucking insane.

The Cubs won’t fully belong to Theo until I hear a shocked Len Kasper announce the following: “Joe Maddon signals for the right-hander from the bullpen and, folks, I can’t believe it—here comes Eddie Vedder to finish off the inning!”

Or you could practice being better at soccer so people dont embarrass you so much.

Herman,

FUN FACT: Due to religious-based dietary restrictrions, none of these athletes can eat Donald Trump.

To be honest, I’m more concerned that Adam Sandler will make another movie than any of the things he mentioned. AmIright?

Owning a gun is a civil right?

Pfui. Those aren’t worries. Those are just media hype.

Alcohol.

I was gonna say that we don’t talk about “bomb control” because we do bomb control.

guys hes not wrong

I would be down for all highlight videos on Deadspin to be in Spanish. More fun, and I hate those dummies speaking English but I still can’t understand what they are saying.

THAT HAIL MARY PLAY I CALL IT THE DENTIST BECAUSE IT KILLED SOME LIONS FROM EXTREME LONG RANGE.

Ohh ok. Thanks for clearing that up for me...

CHIEFS BITCH