I, for one, have my hakuna-matata rhymes on absolute lockdown:

I hear Kevin Butler is only 56.

Sir, you offend mayonnaise, which is delicious!

I mean, under what circumstances could anybody not need to put on a jean-jacket vest and stand by their camaro in a 7-eleven parking lot while bitching about bands that don’t rock hard enough?

Yeah... another Cubs fan here. Went and saw Sox - Tigers down on the South Side recently. The game was pretty chill! The beer selection was good. The tickets weren’t insanely priced. Also, generally speaking, Sox fans’ heckling game is on point.

Pictured: A Strangehold

This movie was a love letter to the source material and the people who love it extracting money from the moviegoing public

From a timing perspective, it’s a terrible send. From a game situation perspective, I have to admit that the send seems pretty reasonable!

Lowlight truthing incoming!!!

See, the thing about the 😭emoji is that it can be used to convey the following:

I’d argue that maintaining one’s sense of cultural identity is actually really important! Worth that amount of money, even. Just because the value of that is difficult to quantify doesn’t somehow make it not a pressing issue or a worthwhile expenditure.

I had to look up what cornpone is and now I am hungry.

One time in 1989 my mom came home with a perm and my sister and I started crying. I believe I said something to the effect of “I want my mommy back.”

This comment deserves about a thousand more stars.

I mean, at least they had the common decency to set fire to a few of those scooters.

I read this initially as “Calling it now: the kid he smiles at through the fence is young Bryce Harper”

Side note: The asymmetry between the left and right sides of that Wrestlemania logo makes me want to body slam my computer monitor.

Cue up the contusion song!

I’m sure none of the for-profit media you consume ever uses violence or difficult topics for entertainment value, right? Cool. No double-standards or cognitive dissonance there, surely.

This is not quite right. Baseball is full of action. It just happens to be action that looks like downtime to people who don’t understand what’s happening in the game. Baseball isn’t boring; it’s opaque. It’s subtle but it’s also completely convoluted.