Dat Toto score tho

AHT

Mental illness is a real thing, kids.

Thank you for this really great take on the current state of affairs in baseball, random internet commenter. Scalding hot.

“A lot of people want to attack ICE. I see it every day. They want to call ICE racists, they want to call us Nazis,” he said. However: “We’re simply enforcing the laws on the books.”

Why stop there! We also have “Yore threats” and “scare a servant of lucifer”.

I’ve been reading Moby Dick lately, as it so happens! That book is a goddamned Ambien. If I need to pass out, two paragraphs of Melville’s just completely needlessly convoluted syntax seem to do the trick every time.

Unless they’re playing the Reds, in which case that situation is probably worth about fourteen runs.

That Pekingese is like... a 100% normal looking peke. And if you’re wondering How the hell do you know what a normal looking peke looks like well I’ll tell you that I own one and he’s a good boy yes he is.

🎶How many walks must my grandson take / before his walk percentage surpasses his strikeout percentage? 🎶

Get excited for people to say the exact same stuff about what you’re currently wearing twenty years from now. GET EXCITED!

Mental health: It’s a real thing, kids!

You:

Someone go get that Nate Silver sonofabitch to do a goddamned logistic regression model with a dependent variable of “did an idiot on the field event happen?” and a dependent variable of “did the sporting event take place in Philly or Boston?” and I swear to god that’ll yield a p value of less than .00000001. You can…

Some stats nerd should really do an analysis of which baseball game conditions are most highly correlated with an idiot on the field event happening.

Hard to envision this man losing an election and then being like, “This is the will of the American people, so I’ll go ahead and step down now.”

Who paces the pacecars?

This team vs. 2009 Barça. Who ya got?

What’s pretty ridiculous, on top of everything else, is that they were showing video of some dirty-AF old-school slides during the Cubs broadcast today as though to somehow say “See? Rizzo’s slide wasn’t that bad! look at what Hal McRae was doing back in 1972!” (see below)

This reads like a Disney press release.