"YOU! Have a melting face! And I! Have a straw! And I… drink… your melting face! I DRINK IT UP!"

If the next Indy film with Harrison was a little closer in tone to 'Bridge of Spies', I might be a little more enthused to see it than I currently am. There's no shame in letting Indy act his age. There have to be some cool stories to be told from his years in the CIA.

And that cash award, my friends, was the exact amount of the salary of the asshole who got fired for letting this happen. It's such a sweet story.

How far away is it?

That comment needs an aftershow.

Very tired of these Hardwick-wannabes who do or get hired to do these kinds of videos. Here's a novel idea, YouTube personalities - a long, static shot.

Keep doing that thing you do.

He looks like Hooper from 'Jaws'. HOOPAH!

Thank you for commenting like an intelligent, enthusiastic person who genuinely likes the show and not just someone else who thinks they're auditioning for a host gig on 'Fashion Police'. Carry on.

What about "my stories"?

How dare that man want to earn a living.

Program? Are you 70?

Only if he repeatedly falls down while thinking of something brilliant to save all the white people's asses.

Yup. I can't imagine how perfect Bale would've been. I love Fassbender and his shark teeth, but the way he stalks around the trailers makes it look like an 'American Psycho' remake. Which he should do immediately.

Fruit and soy only cures cancerAIDS.

Dude, it's not cynicism. I don't mind sappy stuff when it's done well. In my opinion, this was not done well. It painted the dense material of the book (from what I've heard) in broad brushstrokes and then clapped itself on the back for getting watered-down versions of the science-y stuff right. Wonderful. They can…

Ron Howard aims for the cheap seats and lands it squarely in the middle of them every time. Whether that's good or bad is debatable, but like Ridley, I think he used to be a better director than he currently is. He's predictable and often rather dull, and also like Ridley, I'm betting that whatever he does next is…

Last things first, I think you need to look up the phrase 'magical negro'. My magical science negro was a play off of that. I am well aware that science is not magic. Except Pop Rocks. Totally magic.

So more women should become movie critics. Okay, fine. But what's her point? Rotten Tomatoes is an aggregator, not a content generator. Blaming RT for not having enough female reviews is like when Michael Scott said he should call YouTube to come down and cover the Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith…

That's enough excitement for today, Grandpa.