I'm not even kidding when I say I might name my daughter, should I ever have one, Ruth Beverley. Ruth for this BAMF, Beverley for Canada's less-awesome-but-still-a-baller Chief Justice.

She was originally going to go with Summer Eve, but decided that would be too douchey...

As far as breaking up with friends, it depends on how really awful they are. A decade ago, I had a couple of friends who were sisters and complete assholes. They were the types that would "forget" to call you when you'd made plans to go to the bar, or would sing badly over a song because you mentioned you liked…

Am I a terrible parent for showing this to my horrified and intrigued 13-year-old daughter?

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

Kanye West is a dickhead.

People who shit on the Deadspin commentariat never actually hang out at Deadspin. They have the best Kinja commenters of any main site, and it's not even close. Kotaku, on the other hand...

I love it when people compare the rights of human beings to those of animals and think it doesn't make them look completely fucking ridiculous.

It was neither a mistake nor an oversight. The murders fell under the jurisdiction of the State police, who filed all of the reports in that case. The listing was about crimes the individual local jurisdictions throughout the state had filed.

To be fair, everyone in the world rushes to judgment, except for Pete Carroll, who passes to judgment, and is usually intercepted.

I don't mean to brag, but I don't have to have sex with unconscious people to have sex.

Tens of thousands of Boston-area men offering her cunnilingus right now.

2014: NFL suspends Gordon 10 games

I don't personally care either way, but people have bought a ton of them every day it's been posted, so I keep it around until the deal expires or sales start to die off.

I mean this sincerely: there is no way to say the phrases "I will argue against the servers" and "think these servers need to suck it up," without being an AWFUL human being.

Russell Wilson heard that he had the opportunity to dance onstage with Flo Rida, but he decided to pass.

Like any good drunk, he waited till the day AFTER the Super Bowl to do this.

So she's nine now?

"I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady"