You only have to do it once or twice before the lesson sinks in.

Amusing and sexist.

If you have access to familial wealth, use it for good...

Bill Clinton was having a bit of fun because they asked about Lewinsky in the present tense.

our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that

So they can't identify the agents? Fine. But you sure as hell know who their supervisor is. The supervisor needs to be held responsible.

Under Obama, many people were turned away at our near the border. The ICE resources were used to target dangerous criminals for deportation; not the school lunch lady or the landscaper.

Those 12V fans don't supply much delta-P so, in my opinion, the best set up is approximately the same intake and exhaust with a slight overpressure. 

Don’t believe everything you see in your Facebook feed.

New York is my argument against safety inspections. Their checks are overzealous. Surface rust on brake lines? In Buffalo?

Papa Johns is open.

But if you took the refund and, instead, put it in the bank for the year you would have made...
{does math}
...eight cents!

Maybe they just shouldn’t go to Dick’s Last Resort.

A dog bit me, so I gave it a piece of cheese.

The "perfect parents" are just stupid people who are too dumb to realize it.

That’s pretty much how Sarah Sanders defended his statement.

We buy new cars and we replace them every 10-15 years. As long as they fit our needs and are reliable, there's no need to trade them in.

What else was she going to listen to while thumbing through Instagram and Facebook? 

We can make your king the King of the Browns. We'd love to have him. He can only do a better job than his predecessors.

My son is nonverbal and uses an AAC device to communicate. He also good out to eat every month with his friends. So he should tip more because he can’t talk? My ass.