He said Trump would be the closest thing to himself as president, so to answer your question, I'm not sure.

I seriously can't think of worse arena music than "Rolling in the Deep." All that makes sense is that his pathological need for validation runs so deep he has to hijack a basically universally popular musician so he can pretend the adoration is for him.

Well, he can't go after her for being unsuccessful, so I assume he'll go after her for being fat.

That got kicked over to J.C. Chandor. Still excited.

And his Large Sons killing dogs for fun.

God is Dead, Internet!

Cicely Tyson is slightly behind at 91.

The guy who's in charge of having the Oscars "In Memoriam" finished on time is probably camping out by Rita Moreno's house with an ambulance "just in case she needs anything."

I want a weird, aggressively mean obit like ABC gave him. "Smug-faced beady-eyed word-typer Zack died today. He is in Hell now."

He makes good burgers, Walter.

I mean I guess it's progress that Tyson is Well Actually-ing people's (apparent) actual beliefs instead of being convinced everyone will think movies are real if he doesn't intervene.

People make a lot of fun of the Golden Globes but they've been doing a great job of providing a Colbert bump for relative newcomers in more offbeat shows in recent years, especially in my magical alternate timeline where Allison Tolman won for Fargo.

Professor Goddess is tough but fair.

That's SO Hector.

It must be devastating for you to have no friends and nothing to do but be Mad on the Internet.

You've thought up quite the biography for a hypothetical person I made up for the sake of a joke, bro. Sorry the trans women are taking all yer awards.

Well, that was two years ago and it wasn't treated as quite as symptomatic because it was the year of the 12 Years A Slave sweep, which, of course, opens its own can of worms.

Last year's went beyond DuVernay. It was also David Oyelowo and, more to the point, it was the myriad snubs of "Selma" and various anonymous quotes from members about how they couldn't get behind it because they felt like it was somehow hostile to white people (that reaction to one of the only major films about racial…

Just think, somewhere out there, the first person to win an Oscar for playing a trans woman who's actually a trans woman is turning 10.

I mean, look at how little issue we have with English people being cast as Americans compared to how people react when a black actor is cast as a historically white character.