YOU BROUGHT BACK DICKEY, EMMA???? YOU ARE MY GODDAMN HERO!!!!

Plus she abstained from listing granola as a breakfast cereal. I move that Joanna replace Marchman immediately.

Burneko, you are a goddamn April Fools’ Day genius.

Tom, you do recognize that in order to be that dog you’d have to sit through a Phillies game, right?

Yao’s career was shortened

Well, at least he still has final control over any and all roster decisions.

*Signs up for Jezebel’s newsletter instead*

What's that old saying about two wrongs making a right?

Vontaze Burfict is insulted by your slighting the Bengals brand of unsportsmanlike conduct.

Trust me when I say that - as a Clevelander and Browns fan currently residing in Baltimore - I take far more joy in the possibility of a move of ours fucking over the Ravens’ draft plans than I do in the actual RGIII signing.

Actual Answer:

Who is on first.

I don’t know

The best defense is a big wall - a huge wall - and, believe me, the Mexican government will pay for it.

+2 Goodell Punishment Generator Rulings

In related news, the Cleveland Browns have proposed a new rule that forbids quarterbacks from setting foot on the field.

Don’t worry; we will make a worse one.

“The Len Bias”

Vive La Résistance! Vive L’anarchie!