I submit these 2 are the only real choice to do the narration of the next Planet Earth/Blue Planet

I mean let’s just be real. It’s not the nudity they have a problem with, it’s the fact that it’s a lesbian sex scene and not a hetero one. If it was either one of those women with a man there wouldn’t be any problem.

If Seth is telling the truth that he was thrown at least 20 feet then we can rule out Peyton Manning as a suspect.

I read somewhere a while back that female virginity (in the sense that it’s somehow relevant to value and identity) is a concept born from and coddled by male power structures, because only a man could be so enamored of his dick as to believe that it changes who a woman is.

Just know that you have named my autobiography. “Catching Dick Left and Right: The LolaCat5 Story” will sell ALL the copies because of you.

I try to pretend the reveal at the end never happened and it was more like the Clue ending where everybody did it, but I think Dan in general was just the worst. Like, he was always supposed to be this nice guy but was a cheating cheater and also kept backstabbing his so-called friends for his own gain. Yuck, Dan.

I went to a digital marketing summit once where the speaker called a hashtag “pound sign”. I was like “is he fucking with us?”. I still don’t know.

*Biblical history major high five*

Why is anyone waging a war on this?

Now now...Americans believe in mental health when there’s a mass shooting done by a previously law-abiding white Christian man.

I’d like to bet it all, Alex.

How much money do we want to bet that Trump thinks ladies pee out of their bajingos?

my favorite coffee shop in Detroit has two bathrooms. one has a sign that says “better lighting” and the other one has a sign that says “stronger flush”.

I would jump the aisle if a republican proposed this as their platform.

I saw an episode where the woman took all her extra stockpile and made care packages for soldiers overseas. Which I think is a wonderful idea, I wish more couponers would take the excess (like, I stockpile toothpaste when it’s on sale but these people had their own damn STORES worth) and make packages for women’s…

Dear Governor Christie,

I tell my friends kids about how I eat pizza and candy almost every meal. They’re impressed. Apparently my ex-girlfriend was not.

I often am stuck with a “I ain’t got the spoons for this shit” day and I have, on more than one occasion, awarded myself with a fancy coffee or a cookie just for taking a shower or brushing my teeth. Because there was a time in my life where those things didn’t happen for far longer than I’m comfortable revealing…

okay but i finally learned how to fold a fitted sheet and that was a proud moment

For this to be perfectly historically ironic, we need a British group to swoop and steal the treasure from both of them.