He probably doesn’t even have a colon at this point.

I would prefer not to read about her husband’s stream.

Snake it off

I worked there as a waiter for 3 months in 1993, which is probably beyond the scope of the new contract. It was horrible and degrading, even more so than working at Chili’s.

Another significant way things have changed since Jesus’s time...here is a list of the people who are permitted by law to move my dead body, washed or otherwise: coroner, EMT, pallbearer. Not on the list: disciples.

Also not boring: Javelinas. They’ll bite your leg off.

October 5, 2014. Third time’s a charm!

She would have erased the tweet, but she couldn’t find a pencil.

At his appearance at UNM in Albuquerque, the press was not allowed to record the arrests taking place.

He hopes that you choke, that you choke.

"threw my dress over my head"

"Because Yelp needs Cormac McCarthy"

"I'm litigating it"

In situations such as these, I like to remind myself that there is at least one sane law enforcement officer in America.

Tears of joy, or despair?

9 1/2 Quarts

Hold onto your seat:

"It's wound-licking good!"

You would hope so. Picking his battles.