My daily Xanax combined with antihistamines and decongestants mean I generally have a stick of Trident keeping me from being parched.

I take psychiatric meds. I’m betting Britney does too, if judging by her past exploits. The meds make my mouth unbearably dry—I can’t even swallow because there’s no saliva in my mouth. Idk, maybe she’s chewing gum to keep her mouth moist?

#FakeNews #AlternativeGeography

Everything either sounds funny or scary as hell with a German accent. There is very little middle ground here.

Giving their kid a nice, normal name *would* outdo Kim and Kanye.

The only thing getting me through the day is Red Bull.

I get that. I didn’t get sober until I was 41 because of that. And mad love to you. I don’t know you and it’s not for me to say if you have a problem with alcohol or not but it is progressive. And the question becomes, how far down the elevator do you want to go? You can get off at any floor. Me? I went so far down…

THIS. The Wine industry fucking disgusts me. For years whenever I travel I see post cards that say “if only there was wine,” t-shirts at stores say shit like “the only thing getting me through the day is wine,” and its you can see it in TV, Movies, etc as if being an alcoholic is acceptable because life is hard.

My unpopular opinion: I don’t give a shit about the Marauders. If I cared about them at all I would point out that they were bullies (yes Snape deserved it, no that doesn’t make it ok, yes I mean Lupin too), but I truly don’t get the interest in them. Fandom seems very obsessed with them, to the point that I avoid HP…

The fact that almost everyone in the Potterverse marries their childhood Weasley

Here’s my possibly controversial opinion about the books: Hermione ending up with Ron was a TRAVESTY.

Here’s my usually controversial opinion on the books/films.

I’d rather have one of those giant safety pins they use to keep their aprons together at In-N-Out. Man, those things are so awesome!

But there’s free shipping if you use code MOREMONEYTHANSENSE

These Kinja Deals are really getting out of hand

I’d rather use nipple clamps to keep my documents in order.

If tyranitars and blisseys are your way to determine a cheater I have some news for you.

I remember a teenage boy dying from a hockey puck to the chest, a few years ago. I’m guessing that this was likely why, given that when I tried searching for his particular story, I couldn’t narrow it down from all of the other stories like it.

Methinks chest protectors in hockey could do with some improvement.

I know!!! What the hell am I supposed to say??? I’d rather show it than to say it! Dirty talk sounds so corny.