Oh YEAH? I heard that Hillary FORCED Chelsea to suck on her breasts for YEARS.

He was hiding in a “woodsy area” near an apartment complex, with the obvious intent of scaring the life out of innocent passers-by. A guy in a goddamn clown suit jumping out at you in an isolated, woody area is the opening scene of CSI or Supernatural, and would be absolutely terrifying. He was probably arrested on…

I wouldn’t kick him out of bed either but I’d always keep one eye open. And no doggystyle...can’t see what he’s doing, too dangerous.

I’m just going to say this:

Frances Bean Cobain’s ex-husband

Nicholas Sparks is at this very moment bringing a lawsuit against the wedding planner for intellectual property infringement, claiming this was “future” intellectual property.

I think the problem here is that you’re assuming a train of thought. What we’ve got in this case is more like a... footmobile of thought.

See, now here is how you do weird and depressing!

Mandy Moore and I are about the same age, which means at 16, when she was first famous, I stupidly felt intimidated by her. Then she married my early 20's crush, Ryan Adams (a crush I am very much over, probably around the 2nd time he drunkenly fell off a stage while performing). Which is why I feel a small, but…

I liked the original Ghostbusters! This one looks terrible. Look, they can try to copy it but there are just some fundamental differences between male and female actors. Like in the original, the men fought ghosts. Cool, right? Well in this one, the women are just fighting their urge for chocolate. ACK! Boring. Every…

You know what ruined things from my childhood? That my favorite childhood books are racist as fuck, that Kirk Cameron grew up to be well himself, and that Bill Cosby is a rapist.

The best proof that there is intelligent life in the universe is that they stay far away from humanity.

No. That may be your line of thinking, but do not assume anything for me. When I ride a dick it means I am doing something or someone that I enjoy at that moment. You are not me. Our actions are not the same.

Wow you sure can tell a lot about somebody (the brother) from just a picture! You should really try to market that, I bet it’d be quite profitable.

You know, you could just not click on articles that cover topics you don’t like. It’s so easy and you save yourself some time and wasted anger energy. And I don’t know about Clover but I’m totes better than Squiggy Azalea.

Jesus Christ who said anything about partners, for fucks sake? Can’t a woman just ride the dick for a minute and go?

Glad to see the sudden fame and success Leo has achieved since breaking through in his Oscar winning role in the Revenant hasn’t fundamentally changed who he is. Got to keep true to yourself and never let Hollywood change you.

THE AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE AND THEY’RE SACRIFICING THE DOGS TO THE KANGAROO MAFIA.

“I’ve actually even been told by like seven psychics that I’M psychic.” - Kendall Jenner

It’s not really self centered if you take in today’s social climate. Think about it, say someone who knows Patton very well calls him up with condolences but doesn’t tweet about condolences, what happens online? You get nosy people calling you “cold,” “mean,” “selfish” and “uncaring” for not saying anything about your…