Just before the credits roll, he hikes up his trousers and dances a jig, giggling, "I'm a metaphor!"

I don't want to ruin it for the five people who may see the movie, but I'll say this: it's even stupider than him being literally Satan.

So I happen to know a couple people who were on the crew for this. Aside from the production being fraught with delays and poorly managed sets, their biggest complaint is that this script had to be the dumbest, film-schooliest piece of shit you ever heard of. The twist at the end is staggeringly idiotic.

Had. Like 75% of his business ventures, Trump Vodka went belly-up.

"Get your Warathon on"

Seriously. For years, I got told how revolutionary Rent was because "It's a ROCK musical! Can you believe it?! It sounds just like the rock and/or roll that is on the radio right now!" Then I heard it, and the music was all sub-par Journey being sung by a barbershop quartet.

Anything can be a joke. But not all jokes are good jokes.

Nobody wants to remember Dolph Lundgren.

Me: As opposed to a guy who looks like someone taught a cow turd to talk, like Ricky.

Counterpoint: The Tribeca Film Festival has always been utterly full of shit. Its broad slate supposedly promises festivalgoers more democratized access to new films, yet every year they throw in roadblocks to limit that access — from "pre-sales" that go entirely to industry and hangers-on, to "AmEx Exclusive"…

Lorne Michaels has worked in comedy for nigh on six decades. He's written/produced with comics of all shapes and sizes. Does Pat Boone not know how comedians talk to one another? Does his old ass honestly not realize that Michaels has heard way, way worse jokes about his mother than just "she's a diseased whore," just…

At the risk of spreading gossip, isn't the word on Nicholson that he's actually begun displaying signs of Alzheimer's/dementia?

Solid fuckin' burn.

Your metabolism will change someday too, young man!

Yeah, but money management is key. And we all know what Smash Mouth went and did with those phat stacks: blew it all on bowling shirts and bleached tips.

But it all rhymes pretty well. You have to give him (or maybe history itself?!) that.

What else does he have to say?!

It's not just the royalties, though. It's that he's still got recording contracts, and is able to maintain a respectable touring schedule for a 70-year-old. He might not have Bono money, but even a moderately responsible schedule of saving and investing can keep his family in big-ass houses and luxury cars for…

How can you say that, when "We Didn't Start The Fire" is right there?

Yeah, but name another song from 30-45 years ago that is as inescapably ubiquitous and widely covered as "American Pie," and whose creators still record and tour. As long as his contract didn't screw him out of royalties, he's been able to ride that gravy train for every last cent.