I tried rewatching it a few months ago on TCM. It's still infuriatingly dim and overwrought.

Y'know what else made video store clerks obsolete?

Oh, wait. I get it. The headline is sarcastic.

When she was a small boy, but she wanted to be a big boy…

That's not even the joke. The "joke" is that she's too cool and sarcastic to do or enjoy anything ever.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world to give Chelsea Handler a career.

The whole movie didn't make sense. At a certain point it seemed to start confusing "magic," a la David Copperfield or Criss Angel, with actual wizardry.

The next illusion is at the White House!

I remember her being depicted as the shrewish wife in Mrs. Doubtfire, thank you very much!

She's besties with Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks. It's being produced under Hanks's Play-Tone shingle.

There was a one-season-wonder TV show, followed by Vardalos writing and directing a string of movies in which she consistently cast herself as the star/object of everyone's affection, all of which utterly bombed.

So that's what happened to Janine Turner!

Greek is kind of counter-intuitive like that. For example, "neh" means "yes." You might think it sounds like a sloppy Yiddish version of "no," but you'd be wrong.

I already learned that from Grease! Get out of my office!

Trust me: you put together any number of Greeks, they're bound to get irrational.

The enormous, dizzy grin on Vardalos's face is the look of someone who finds a winning lottery ticket in a pool of her own vomit. "I keep fuckin' up, and they still keep giving me big breaks!"

It's like in 1941 when Treat Williams is all, "I hate eggs!" and it's like, oh man, you just know that guy's gonna get hit with a whole buncha eggs later on.

If it was good enough for George Thorogood, it's good enough for Kiefer!

I understand now. I get it.

It reads like a preamble to a Nigerian scam.