Dude. Champ stamps are so 2000's.

I'm pretty sure if we gave this dude some coke, he'd just transform into a cloud of confetti that never fell to the ground.

There's always this lovely number too.

If this is the honest version then why is Michael Jordan tipping?

I think the real trophy is the outstanding education each and every one of these student-athletes earn at their respective NCAA® institution of higher learning.

I see they are listed in order of ability to make free-agency decisions in a timely fashion

Not Pictured: Gotze's raging hard on.

It's probably just because of his name, but I read this as "Check out Mario Gotze's Goat Boner" and I was ready for some really weird shit. Imagine my disappointment as it was just human boner. Fucking Mondays.

This is almost as bad as Bison Dele's boat boner.

Cool, so we don't have to cry for them this time?

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oh stfu these fuckers dressing up like stock brokers makes your sports news so much more reputable

John Clayton rocked the "we need a quick segment on short notice" better -

It's people who actually think this is true that are the problem with sport.

Insert joke about OSU players not working for what they have.

Bath PD Dispatch: How many officers do you need Mr. James?

The Mesozoic Era?