“What they did to Michael is worse than molestation. They killed him. Literally.”

This is a particularly odd time to leap to the defense of celebrities.

Yeah, fuck you. Get help. 

A nice reminder that no matter how beloved a celebrity is, they’re still all a bunch of idiots.

Wow.  How clever and original. You forgot to call me a cuck. 

None of that makes this shitty behavior okay. 

Your take is “Izzo has always been a dick so it’s unfair to criticize him for being a giant dick” is bad. 

It’s too bad Izzo never got the chance to coach Latrell Spreewell.

Izzo: “What the fuck are you doing! You’re plodding around out there like fucking Frankenstein!”

Man, my boss pulls that shit and it’s not worth it for even our (pretty good) salaries. Then again, we’re only getting paid in dollars, not an invaluable Michigan State education and the privilege of being a College Athlete. 

When your team of teenagers is physically restraining you and calming you down, it’s time to maybe re-prioritize some things.

Ed: “Rapey.” I meant “rapey.”

All that rapier wit in the comments section lost...

How exactly was this lady expressing greed? She was hired to feed the workers, and they never paid her.

Unfortunately reserved seating does not (yet) have the technology to tell you who’s sitting next to you when you choose your seat. :)

“If we all followed “You Get Two Questions,” the basic and formative rule set by my former colleague Allie Jones some time ago...”

Dear Deadspin,

How the fuck did you not manage to title this “Portnoy’s Complaint: Barstool is too racist” ???

Sincerely,
Uncle Milty
Dept. of Witty Literary References

Right? He probably sucks. He has a higher bWAR than Barry Bonds had at this age, but I bet he blows. 

I think you got lost, buddy. This isn't and Incel blog, nor Breitbart.

No. You will, however, be called a dipshit for thinking that a six-month vacay followed by a new job by a major competitor for similar salary counts as “negative consequences”. Which I’m sure you’ll equate, because you’re that kind of dumbass.