God, I’m so angry for you right now. FUCK THAT GUY AND EVERYONE ON THAT PLANE!!!!

One of my music theory teachers toured with Meatloaf for a bit, and has a video where Meatloaf slips and falls, hard, in a huge ass puddle of his own sweat. Compared to that, a shart doesn’t even register on the richter scale of embarrassment in my mind.

So say we all =[

No one should order delivery during a storm, because there is no actual way to tell who is working because they want to and who is working because their boss is the worst boss of all the bosses.

It’s OK Poe, we forgive you...!!

“We’ve got a deserting stormtrooper,”

Don’t count her out as a secret resistance sympathizer! That would be awesome!

I just bought two pairs of special Bayberry taper candles from Yankee Candle for my fucking three-pronged holiday center piece and I had to talk myself down from the guild of spending $14 on tapers. Fuck these people and their money candles. At $60 a pop, why not just bundle up the money and burn it? It’s the same…

Me neither! Unless it's ginger ale, or mixed with lots of other things...

My cousins will happen, that’s what.

Ugh, a tartan doormat that isn’t lined in grosgrain? You can show yourself out. Riffraff like you are not welcome here.

I read “DAMNNNNN FRERES” and now I can’t stop giggling.

You are a beautiful person for doing this.

Your description of rich people food shopping reminds me of the episode of The Gilmore Girls where Emily goes to the mall and buys the glass apples from Italy, and like a million other things I don’t remember.

The description was so good, but these look like three-day old toes.

The one I put on my registry was like $12. Thank you, relative! I used it last week, you have delicious cookies in under an hour, the ultimate “Shit I forgot I need to bring something” saver of asses.

Wait...that’s not a bad price. WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?

Guys you want the ultimate bar cart?

I was all like “Well wait now it’s pretty in a deco sort of HOLD THE DAMN PHONE.”

I cut soda out except for at parties and on airplanes, and now I enjoy it like 400x more than I used to. Making special food actually special makes it more fun too =]