Did either of them contain the phrase "Sweep the leg"?  Because if so, I'll give you a pass.

William Randolph Hearst?

For fuck's sake, isn't there ONE asshole out there who can still churn out a completely original script?!  I'm about to fake cancer and try to scam the Make-A-Wish people to get one written.

You'll be real funny when I crack you with a pipe!

FRIED CHICKEN AND BEER LED TO THE COMPLETE AND UTTER DOWNFALL OF AN ENTIRE BASEBALL TEAM.

Did Busey even know they were filming for a movie when he did that?  Or did they just happen to catch him during his typical Tuesday morning routine?

Goodbye losers, whom I've always hated!

A bum with a full can of Beefaroni is having a better week than I am.

Yo, fuck astronauts.  They are a blight on this country.  Driving through our neighborhoods in their moon buggies at all hours of
the night playing that theme to "2001" on their cosmoblasters real loud…
Astronazis.

I like how he implies that he had something to do with those teams winning championships, aside from being the stereotypical ayehole Boston sports fan.

Good luck trying to usurp "Uncle John's Great Big Bathroom Reader" as the book of choice for people trying to entertain themselves while shitting out a night's worth of Taco Bell and whiskey.

Or the opposite of Roger the Alien!

Hey, its YOU ARE MOTHER.

I think Blockbuster is more like "Hey man, you got a quarter?"

Grieco is also working his ass off trying to self-finance "If Looks Could Kill 2."

This one?

Netflix should look into licensing HBO's intro from the early 80s.

You took our jerbs!

I don't think it was very difficult to do a Ctrl + F and replace each instance of "Xander Cage" with "Darius Stone."

Richard Grieco spends the day clicking "refresh" on his email