Can you get toilets installed into pillow forts?

If it wasn’t so barf-worthy, that would be a perfect blow-up doll face. Not even the nastiest person could keep it up long enough to make a deposit in that mouth.

I live four blocks from my parents (believe me, I know), and I’m in District 9, she’s in District 2, and we vote on opposite sides of our small city. That’s even changed three times in the last ten years. I check every time I vote so I know where to go.

Chris Matthews is turning into a letter C, just like Pope Saint John Paul II did.

He sure is a looker!

I’m not even surprised. D.R.A.M.A.

I’ve been known to avoid restaurants that only serve Pepsi. Bastards!

Vin Diesel is such a thirteen year old girl who just got her period and is in a fight with her BFF and boyfriend. If there’s any drama and his name is mentioned, I automatically assume it’s true and his fault.

Hmm, does anyone know if James Masshole is behind this thing of beauty?

But he’s going to be so fat by then, he’ll either break the springs or at least one of the horses will turn around with a, “you don’t pay me enough to try to pull this fat mother around.”

...and call him the president of putrescence. Booooo. Booooo!

They’ll know she’s not here. Trump doesn’t let in any dirty imm’grentz, no matter why they need asylum.

They really expected to be back in New York eating sushi or something.

He’s gained soooo much weight. He was presenting some dumb shit the other day and his belly peeped out past the edge of his open jacket. I really want to see this molten tangerine Jabba the Hut in his golf clothes.

I wonder if they could get any money out of Botched: Tori and Dean. Bless their hearts, there’s stuff that could be worked on if they’re being paid for it.

I’d like to know if this kitty cafe has franchises. I could use some destressing and this sound like a lot of fun (I just couldn’t say purrfect).

Melania’s doing the Easter Egg Roll, no joke. I can’t even imagine what that’s going to look like. Will she be wearing flats?

Ditto, ditto. I haven’t made a study of her career but I like some of her music, all the way back when she was singing country songs. It’s not like she hasn’t been writing songs based on her life experiences - like pretty much every other songwriter - for years. Some are happy, some are sad, some are about bad…

Don’t give Bobby Finger any ideas.

So this is like having lemonade with dog hair in it.