Fuck off, chubby

You listen to me right god damn now you sons of bitches. If you vote "No" on this, you are a bad person and should go haunt a different fucking website.

Dear Stan, I wrote you but you still ain't called/

Just this once, I'd love to see St Louis, Oakland, and San Diego all tell their NFL teams to get fucked when it comes to asking for publicly-funded venues at the exact same time, just to see what happens. It's not like all three of them can move to LA simultaneously.

Your Limbaugh is showing.

Good news is that the UPD and Tallahassee PD are investigating, so the criminals will be brought swiftly to justice.

If Deadspin staff competed against each other in a "Stump The Scwhab"-style sports trivia gameshow, who would win?

Thoughts on the Frank Lampard fiasco?

What does a successful 2015 look like for Deadspin?

What's the best way to scratch an itch on your butthole? (Assuming a bathroom is not in close proximity)

How come Greg can't write a column that's less than 30,000 words but can't compose a tweet that's longer than "bruh. RT@..."?

Why do they call it "taking a shit" instead of "leaving a shit"?

Kevin Draper is my new favorite writer.

Maybe I'm a stickler for tradition. Maybe this annual occurrence has become so ingrained in my being that I don't want it to change. It's hard to explain, but there's just something so life affirming about my beloved Arsenal qualifying for the Champions League every year while seemingly going out of their way to look…

"Fuck you, Fabianksi. That's the sort of thing I'm supposed to do!!!!"

That guy who drove 35 miles to Temecula to beat some rando's ass for his bad Kobe Bryant takes.

Wow, they actually found a way to put the words "Cleveland Browns" and "pathetic" in the same sentence and yet STILL BE WRONG. Damn.

Get in line. The Browns owe everyone an apology.

The league signed off on the game because of how realistic it is. To this day, the Jacksonville Jaguars are routinely faced with 3rd and 30 situations.