Set up a gofundme page, I'll rally over some dollars.

Godspeed to all my fellow deadspinners who are dreading the moment Ferguson comes up as a conversation topic this Thanksgiving.

This is like the only rule I have in life

What should liverpool do about its situation? How fucked are they? Is Brendan out before the end of the season?

What's a low-circulation obscure sports publication you read and that you think should get more shine?

No. I'd rather go through Magary's vasectomy ordeal than eat those mushy phalluses.

We got owned fucking owned by a 2nd-string irish team, you don't think that warrants something?

I have a no eating bananas in my room rule that my girlfriend hate. In fact, it was the cause of our biggest fight in the last six months.

Who's the best foosball player on staff?

Greg how come u didn't write anything about the usa Ireland shellacking

1. No one is allowed to use the word in my house. Not even Shaq, whose autobiography I ghostwrote.

Hey Greg, did you see the part where Gerrard talked Suarez out of going to Arsenal?

Simmons coming real close to reaching the "Tyson Zone."

Nah brah, you can walk alone on this one.

Scoring a goal against a Belgian club makes you the best player in soccer?

More arsenal dickriding from Greg

El clasico, who ya got? I say 4-4, Suarez gets a brace.

The night after USA-Belgium, I had a dream I beat the shit out of Johnny Manziel.

What length would you go to secure a sex tape featuring any of the following people: Mario Balotelli, JR Smith, Javale McGee, Yasiel Puig, Bill Simmons, Darren Rovell, anyone from DHOF? What if the sex tape had Balotelli, JR, and Puig in it?

He hurts everyone in Bundesliga except them, thus guaranteeing their success in Bundesliga.