“The final dog days of summer?” Dude, it’s August 1st.

SIMMONS: Pack up your bags. We’re starting our own sports website.

I’m glad someone had the decency to give praise to this poorly misunderstood, critically acclaimed, award winning, millionaire film maker.
Maybe now someone will finally give Mr. Allen the respect he’s already been given for decades.

“Hey, collusions are part of the game. That’s why we wear helmets.”
- Emmitt Smith

Or as ESPN puts it on their front page: “Source: Union to cry collusion if WRs don’t sign”.

Yeah, in no way are they in bed with the NFL. Nope.

#dressed

How much money did ESPN and Kansas University make while watching Joel Embiid play himself to the point of serious injury?

You got all of this wrong. Try again if you like.

It’s as batshit as it looks.

Day: What the fuck did I do?

My mom recently showed me a short story I wrote in first grade that she had saved. It was all about how I was the punter for the Jets. Even as a six-year-old I knew I'd never amount to shit. Every other kid dreams of being a quarterback or shortstop, but not me. Punter on the fucking jets.

Are we getting to the anti-circlejerk portion of the year already? I can never keep my online seasons straight.

Look, Kluwe...I won’t punt footballs, and you don’t make Deadspin jokes, okay?

Man, I had high hopes for “Ballers: NBA Edition,” but their yacht game is jank.

4. Wait three days.

Nailed it.

Jesus’s Way

Doing it Jesus’s way strikes me as selfish. How’s a man really supposed to help out if his arms are spread that wide?

lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol

Reality has a well-known pro-vaccine bias. It’s disgusting; reality should really be willing to hear both sides on this issue.