J Kidd: "Alright Collins, let's keep it simple out there, play your game, and keep your eye on the back door."

"The first Gay to play professional defense? We'd go along with that."

It's bad enough they let Danica race, now we gotta learn female biology too?

Geez. If Bayern is capable of crushing the best teams in the EPL, I can only imagine what they're going to do against Arsenal.

Pussy, whipped

If by average you mean the man to Yao's left, he has a doctorate in quantum mechanics, speaks 9 languages and is an accomplished cellist. If I'm mistaken and you're referring to the man behind Yao, that's Century 21 agent Jeff Whittels of Boca Raton, Fl, and he only sold three homes in the last calendar year. That is…

As ventriloquist dummies go, Yao's is incredibly lifelike.

This story has inspired me, and on Valentine's Day no less. Tonight, when I finish 30 minutes ahead of my wife, I vow to stay awake and congratulate her perseverance.

Lodwick: [Thumbs up] "Bladder's open!"

This isn't news. Evergreen does this year after year.

Kyrie Irving: Can everyone please stop passing him the goddamn ball! He’s fucking up the game. Just ignore him.

he was shooting the ball every time he touched it.. sources said – from whatever remote part of the court he had caught the ball.

Bynum: RAINDROPS!

Before Bynum was thrown out of his final practice and suspended, he was shooting the ball every time he touched it in a practice scrimmage, sources said – from whatever remote part of the court he had caught the ball.

As with most other things in Sochi, those burgers were assembled only three days ago.

Actually, he's eating them all himself. In a few hours, he plans to get in some good runs.

To be honest, I'm not sure I've ever heard [a good luge joke]."

Jeff Orr's punishment, meanwhile, is to continue being Jeff Orr.

Pictured: The KGB-Sharps

As a display of honour and gratitude Daft Punk performed the timeless and revered Russian Police Choir Song: 'We Will Come Under Cover Of Night And Murder Your Entire Family, And You Will Spend Your Remaining Years In An Irkutsk Gulag. Also, Please, Where Do You Keep The Stolichnaya? - In Middle C.'