you look amazing at 7:00 at night, fyi. extremely sultry. On the days when I wear makeup, by 7:00 I look like someone dumped a bottle of vegetable oil on my face.

Girl! Prime those lids before you apply eyeshadow! Even those of us without oil problems will have creasing without primer. I’m a fan of Urban Decay’s, but their wand applicator is dumb af. NYX’s version is surprisingly good for the price point. 

In Mexico we spread it on a warm tortilla, a little salt, maybe some lime

OMG - so delicious. I was squicked about eating it until I tried it - and my sister simply will not - so I’ll eat hers.

Ya’ll shame Kim K for her nude selfies all the time... but Emily is perma nude in every damn photo. I honestly do not know what she looks like with clothes on.

In my difficult moments I can be found under a blanket cry-eating Oreos (double-stuffed, if it’s an especially trying time). But Hawaii sounds nice too, I guess.

A husband and wife that I houseclean for had new matching his-and-hers pistols show up tucked between their mattress and box spring on either side of their bed, right after Christmas, and I wondered similar things about the logistics since they seemed to be gifts. To each other? From Santa? From their parents? They…

This dude and his unbuttoned shirt, bahaha. I’d probably hate-fuck him, tho. Ugh, I hate myself.

Why are you looking all the way up there?

It is the unnatural shade of drugstore black reserved for goths.

It’s because it is anime black. It shines blue because it is so saturated in dye.

I think it’s the colour - it’s a blue-black that doesn’t seem natural.

His hair is very, very black. Unnaturally black. I expect inky streaks to roll down his face. But he runs with such a bounce to his step, I wouldn’t mind.

It’s too black because he has a shitty colorist.

i think he has plugs, personally.

Ugh that was me but with Sorel when I wore their boots and kept slipping at the hint of any water or ice. The rep said “uhh well some styles are only meant to be worn in snow,” and explained how I would have to mail the boots (at my expense) to some location so they could determine if the boots were defective. I had…

That’s the problem with return policies. When the company has a generous one, you’d better believe their stuff is built to last since it’s in their best interest to never see it returned. Stores that make you jump through hoops to give you a replacement or refund can sell you any kind of crap they want.

Some babies are just good, you can take them anywhere and they sleep when you put them down and they giggle all the time and when dad has to grab the Lombardi trophy you can hand them off to their boss without worrying if they’ll thrown a scream fit. Clearly this is one of those babies.

I’d like to think that I showed poise last night by not destroying anything and passing out in the hallway of Monk’s Cafe (don’t worry, it wasn’t open).