“I sure as hell can’t relate to their pain in any way.”

They’re giving out practice squad trophies in Miami no wonder the team is bad at football they’ve been coddled and hugged and told they were special by their handlers and personal assistants in my day the only personal assistant a quarterback had was his conscience and if any scrub player picked him off in practice,…

It looks like Philbin was able to resolve that issue at practice. Tannehill looked a lot more comfortable getting intercepted during the game.

“So, your table stopped me and asked what kind of fish they had was because they thought you were lying to them; I told them it was cod and they asked why we didn’t have real fish.”

I wonder if they sent bills to anyone they saw leave food on their plate... “hi, we walked around during the reception and noticed that you only ate half your steak and NONE of the steamed carrots which we already paid for. So here’s an invoice for $7.56. Please send us a payment AND an explanation for why you didn’t…

I will star any and all Terry Pratchett-related comments.

PINKHAM’S LAW!!! DING DING DING! We have a winner!

Re: the Dan Perkins story, has anybody considered that maybe the guy was Jewish or Islamic and maybe didn’t have familiarity with pork products then?

Vin Scully is 87 years old. To reach that age and basically have the whole world begging you every year to continue doing what you do, just for another year, is just fantastic.

Turn it over, put some aluminum foil on it, it'll do if you run out of plates.

Thank god someone in this country is will to ask the question “but how do white people feel right now?”

I’ve never once seen a complaint about someone who asks about the menu. In my experience servers at the nice restaurants you actually want to go to appreciate people that actually want to discuss the food.

I don’t even know why they falsely claimed Diplomatic Immunity, this is America, they have Wealthy Immunity.

You lost me at “morning exercise.”

Joke + Credit Card Acceptance = Business Model

I don’t think I’ve called someone a butt since grade three. That’s right up there with dickweed.

And just imagine how long it took the koalas to get there! Lazy little bastards would never have made it without a ride on the Jesus train.

Do they mean “Kenyan” as in “Swahili”? Because according to good old (FUCKING FREE, EASY TO FIND) Google Translate, black power = nguvu nyeusi.

Rovell: Maybe it turns out racism isn’t even racist. Maybe it turns out the invisible hand is black.