You probably think this song is about you.

Family Circus and Marmaduke are two of the worst things in human history, non-murder/war division.

THIS IS RUINING MY CHILDHOOD.

I always wear socks with my birkies, but never white crew socks ... rag wool, colorful fun socks, though, are okay.

Nah, it woulda been self-defense. In Florida, it’s called ‘Stand Your Ground’ and I’m pretty sure they give you a key to the city if the lady is murdered in Tampa.

At my Target, the junior’s section, the women’s section, and the maternity section all blend seamlessly into one another, with maybe fewer sheer items as you go. Otherwise it’s very easy to end up in preggoland.

Dang. All I did was buy my son the industrial size box of PopTarts for his dorm room. This competition among parents is crazy.

I look like bad babe witch and who lives in a picturesque beach cabin on a lake and youll have to wait to take my maxi dresses from my cold dead body because it’s my look for life. Fuck legs, twirling around FOREVER.

I’ve worn a lot fo dresses cut similar to these. I have boobs and hips so they don’t look terrible. Granted, I purchased the correct size and not ones that are like 5 times too big.

This is what they make you wear in Russian prison.

Those sleeves. The hair. The shoes! This is the saddest outfit on the saddest model in the land.

The shoes are what really make that outfit.

I cannot deal with people that talk about their “brand” or how they are “influencers.” It seems like an excuse to not just get a job.

The firefighters’ gators were almost certainly unrelated to one that drowned Lane Graves, because it’s hard for a gator to cross the roadways. Also, why would you go chasing kids when you’re being fed by hand?

When someone says angel hair I think of pasta.

Becky with the long angel hair?

their spawn will be a mayonnaise on wonder bread sandwich

Where everybody knows your name.

And only when it's inside the body/on its way out. Once that shit is born it's on its own. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps like the rest of us did, no-longer-fetus!

They don't wonder. They are sure we (Mexican here) run away from them because we are the racist.