2016 America: Where a 12-year old boy is shot and killed by the police for playing with a toy and it’s his fault because he should have “known” that people would see him as a threat, while a full-grown adult who rapes an unconscious woman and tries to flee should only have to endure a couple months of jail because…

I don’t know what part of the Midwest you were in, but around here everyone thinks they are a trash bird that spends its time shitting on golf courses. And walking around with a conveniently golf ball sized head at the end of a long golf tee like neck, acting like I wouldn’t murder its smug ass given half a chance.

The Ardrey Kell High School talent show: You pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge

Whenever a reactionary says something like “because of the banking industry” I automatically know he’s got a copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion somewhere in his home.

I for one got a Jewry Duty letter last week, which is weird because I’m not that religious.

Under the Trump dictatorship the only exercise taught in American schools will be mental gymnastics.

Perhaps a great, or even good, man needs these products. But the Adequate Man does not.

We'd get so many false positives from the dogs getting on and off the bed all day.

Rather than condemn millennials—and those, shall we say, contaminated by them—for shirking “responsibility” through discourse, let’s acknowledge our more pressing duty: to stop policing speech, and instead welcome the voices clamoring to be heard.

How do you know when someone is a vegan?

For all parents out there: Please do not thwart your children in their endeavors to go outside, to socialize, have fun, etc. just because of your crappy religion and culture.

I’m just Joe Whitebread (actually, Sam Jewishguy, but you get my point). My stereotype was not that Muslim parents were tyrants, but that first generation immigrant parents were tyrants.

Starred for referencing a bezoar!

Apparently it’s more like a whale bezoar.

I always look like someone who ate toast in bed and just brushed out the crumbs before her boyfriend came back.

Wegman’s has great good food options. Both $6 meals, subs, pizza, and the aforementioned buffet. Could be made with arsenic, I’m still eating it

The PDF attached doesn’t tell me much about the actual ingredients list or the number of preservatives, which I would be interested in. I’m not under any delusions that cooking myself is better than grabbing prepared meal, but if the prepared meal/hot meal (I’m assuming “prepared” includes frozen since I’ve never seen…

Hey, it’s a total turn on when he calls you “mommy” while chowing down on jellybeans.

I don’t believe I’ve ever seen the word “rectum” rendered in such a tacky, saccharine script.

It is a well-known scientific fact that if you look at a butthole closely enough, you will see the words “Exit” inscribed on it in the language your mother spoke when she was pregnant with you.