It’s his total inability to have facial hair without accessing some kind of rare level of physical repulsion that no scientists can explain. He’s mere particles away from going full Phil Spector.

As a last act of good will and under the influence of marcotics, I ask that you comment here so I can ungrey you if you’re not a troll.

Farewell, and godspeed. I had the same detached-retina surgery, and it’s not a lot of fun, but you’ll end up just fine. Happy new year to you, best of luck in all your future endeavors, and I join you in the Laura Beck fan club (not to mention many other of your mentionees).

“Hello, I’m Todd Dominos, the CEO of Dominos Pizza. We’ve heard your criticism loud and clear, and we are not meeting your standards. Six years ago we tried improving the quality of our pizza, but we still didn’t earn back your trust. That is why each delivery person is now a certified bounty hunter. Not only do we…

I can’t speak for Snack, but I’ll take that as a “strong yes.”

Did you just drop acid and hallucinate about Ohio?

I’m gonna put Dr. MOOSA on my spell-caster checkout list, don’t you worry! After he passes several specific spell-caster tests that the many other spell-casters have had to go through, I’ll get back to you with the concrete results.

You little masochist, you.

When the top thread is a guy literally telling all of Jezebel about the boner he’s popped after graphically describing his preferred sex acts to a fawning female audience...aww yiss that’s great feminist discourse.

I really liked this piece — I think it does a good job of bringing out some nuances around trying to be a good, diligent partner. That said, I really need to point out some trends in the comments section that are representative of what happens in every comments section on the topic of sexual behavior.

Even the lion looks embarrassed.

do not explain this to anyone else, i’m trying to watch.

He seems constipated.

So some Indiana businesses could flex their 'religious liberty' by 'confronting government overreach' and not serving/selling to Pence right?

Obviously, it's because of the Gay agenda. I'd tell y'all what it is, but I lost mine in the wash, and I gotta get my Gay Card renewed. Need to spend those Gay points.

Does anyone else understand wtf she is saying here?

...you know you said that out loud, right?

I think I'll stick to a making a yeast- free dough. BRB, gotta scrub the hell out of myself in the shower.