no colin dont take this from me

i swear to christ, i was thinking this this morning "i wish i had more opportunities to say A LIKELY STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' and lo and behold. so here i go.

So... this is like telling someone who's depressed 'cheer up'?

Might wanna channel all that blissful orgasmic energy into working on those empathy skills then.

...and I can't imagine being a giraffe. So?

If you ever want to hear, in detail, about how gay men have sex with each other, talk to a homophobe.

calls them "puff predators," and "mercenaries,"

A lawyer! I am so emotionally erect at your impressiveness right now.

You probably should have stuck with the more respectable "shitty pizza chain owner" thing.

Oh UVA's reputation was tarnished just by the accusation? I thought the descriptions of how fucking horrible the school's policy and treatment of sexual assault reports did some pretty solid tarnishing on their own.

It's still true that very, very few rape accusations are false. It's still true that UVA's system for dealing with rape accusations is fucking atrocious.

I'm assuming your kitty shat in your slippers after this. Does NOT look happy!

Those horns look like hands.

I would like to enter my cat into consideration for cat overlord status. FYI, she's lost some weight since this picture, so she's more like a smaller meatloaf. Ho ho ho!

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I was looking at pictures of shoes on Pinterest. You know. Where ladies go. For their lady interests.

I'm so disappointed right now that "meatplane" is just a nerdy word for real life, instead of an actual plane made of meat lashed together with intestines. If I were Satan, I would only fly on Meat Force One.

So a pretty common troll retort around these parts is 'why don't you do something to help people out in real life instead of just complaining on the internet?' I've seen some variation of this cry tons of times over the years. I literally just got a response along this line last week.

Yes but, let's be honest, that's between the bra burning, excessive chocolate consumption, monthly hemorrhaging, and angry ranting.

As a travel agent, HAHAHAHAHAHA, that does not exist.

The confirmation that you CAN'T upgrade to first class on international flights for a few hundred bucks is the only downside to this story being obviously fake.

Thanks for debunking the stupidity.