Is it true that Dr. Ogala has a doctoral degree in medieval French literature from the University of Phoenix? Cause that's the word on the street. And that ain't quite kosher.

Chickens are assholes. Tasty, tasty assholes.

This was already becoming my favorite thread in the history of Jezebel but your comment made me burst out laughing at my desk. This was a detail I overlooked.

this is why i only ever hook up with the girls from tinder because one time i hooked up w/ this guy

I think the weird slightly-from-above angle is making it look more awkward/badly-proportioned than it probably is IRL. What I don't understand is the physics involved — how can something loose/drapey also SQUASH YER BOOBS FLAT LIKE THAT. Is there a special version of Hollywood Fashion Tape made of like, a uranium-lead…

Then maybe you shouldn't have contributed anything.

I've dealt with various small animals (squirrels, raccoons) finding a way into my eaves over the years, but the final time took the cake. I had long since repaired any possible method of ingress for the little fuckers when I had my entire house re-sided. The contractor was very professional and they did a great job.…

Madeline, I was informed in the comments the other day that Mouth Breather is unfair to people who can't breathe through their nose due to medical conditions. I have chosen to go with "You misbegotten spawn of hell!" from here on out.

Do you like stories involving death, romance, resurrection, and penises? WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

I buy kids books when in foreign countries. I was in a hurry in the Oslo airport and found a little book with a mole wearing a funny hat. So I bought it. While perusing it on the plane, I realized that it wasn't a hat. Someone had shit on the mole's head and he was in search of which animal pooped on his head. It is…

Well, yeah. That's kind of the point of trolling, which is why you shouldn't even dignify it with a response.

I'm not exaggerating when I say this is possibly the most pitch perfect comment that I have ever received in my time on this site. Thank you for the laugh.

True story; I once got banned on Jezebel for using all caps like this in a comment. It was an automatic thing that would get you zapped, no question. What can I say, I like using all caps! Funny how times have changed, isn't it?

Like what? Voting with your wallet? Making your opinion known, perhaps via social media? Serious question though, what else do you expect people to do?

Silly kel, didn't you know that regulation is the enemy of capitalism because reasons?

Raisins are dead flies.

I think I got it from a Terry Pratchett novel :)

Guy beard gaps are the most random thing. I have a friend who grows a fantastic giant bushy beard (seriously - it looks like he's chewing a badger) except for one perfectly square patch on his left cheek. Is there any reason for them?

This sounds very much like the whining from the boys' club about Danica Patrick: "Oh, she has less body mass, she's cheating, it's so unfair..." and so on, the obvious subtext of which was OH NOES, I LOST TO A GIRL, MY BALLS HAVE SHRUNK THREE SIZES!