So in case anyone is wondering “Why does anyone ever work for this guy?” you have to remember the one thing Donald is legit very good at is being a bully.

And I mean the proof is right there. That’s a serious, demoralizing dressing-down that goes RIGHT for Ryan’s insecurities and lets him know that not only does Trump…

I wonder if she finally just hit bottom. Just looked at one of her own performances one day, doing all these mental gymnastics to try to keep which lie goes with which other lie together, in front of a room full of people who haven’t been buying it for two years now and who see this as a fun opportunity to dunk on…

So you’re saying that because the general republican viewpoint is distrustful of the government, that explains electing Donald Trump, who they totally don’t care has no idea how to do the job, and actively make their lives worse by doing so?

I suppose this explains them burning their own personal nikes they paid money…

Bad: Taking a swing from a beer bottle that you didn’t know had been used to store the fat drippings from the thanksgiving turkey for some reason and having it halfway down your throat before you realize it.

Worse: Realizing your brother in law had also been using it as a spitoon.

I love how in his head this was clearly some kind of Alpha Male power move to demonstrate he’s still holding some kind of authority. It makes him look like an absolute child, painfully, unmistakably, and obviously so. There are no outs. And he’s just 100% oblivious.

None of these jaw-dropping shitheads has anything but the most vague idea about how the internet works, so the concept of “You can just yell racist shit and then deny it later because the TV camera wasn’t literally pointed directly at your face” is still a tactic they employ. They’re not used to being recorded in…

I find myself musing under what circumstances people normally make the kind of face Rudy is making.

In order:

- “Got caught whackin’ it to cartoon porn of disney characters by my teenage granddaughter barging in the room and I’m going to have to explain this to her mother later?”
- “Right testicle suddenly increased to…

In the unedited take she keeps going:

“And it’s not because I really care about your life, honestly? It’s because, like, technically I’m going to be whoring you out to a bunch of Russian mobsters, and I really don’t need some bitch to narc on me with this whole ‘sex trafficking’ thing right now, okay? That’s some heat…

So my takeaway from reading the comments section is:

1. Lindsay has quietly shifted from “actress” to “expensive escort in Dubai” as her day job for some time now.

Has Crisp Rat (so good) always been this Jesus-y, or is this a semi-recent thing?

I don’t even remember hearing about it until post Anna Faris, and I was like “Eh well it doesn’t really show up in his work and he seems nice enough so whatever” and then there was that Jesus line in Infinity War.

It kind of works as just…

/ closeup of Steve Bannon’s rotting monster face

Hot take: People who are physically incapable of enjoying anything not “real” and complain about people who can are incredibly boring on a personal level and usually identify exclusively with their jobs and little else.

I like your articles, Nolan, but you seem really up your own ass and proud of it.

I’m not sure why is this on here?

(I know the obvious answer is “people will click on it”)

Dude sends corny romantic messages (apparently totally consentually) to someone he’s interested in.

Are we trying to shame him for that? Does nobody else do that? I thought it was pretty common! I mean, I do that. And my wife likes…

Look I said it in another comment, but: /assumes Cokehead-Wario tone: You have Steve Miller blow 36 powdered adderall up your asshole with a straw 3 seconds before you’re shoved onstage and see how good YOU breathe.

At some point I bet it stopped being “makeup” and started becoming “practical special effects”. Dude probably looks like the Crypt Keeper before his handlers on loan from Fox News can herd him into the makeup chair and dangle keys in front of him long enough for him to sort of sit still.

We’re at that fun point in this Presidency’s flight where they’re realizing the plane they’re all on isn’t gonna make it.

It hasn’t exploded yet, but one of the wings broke off, the other one is halfway there, and everything’s on fire. They’re still technically in the air, but that’s clearly not going to be the case…

*sold willingly

Picture this scenario, which is totally not drawn from real life: You are asking your 5 year old child, who is forbidden from eating cookies from a cookie jar you keep in your kitchen, if they were stealing cookies from said cookie jar. After following the trail of cookie crumbs. To find them holding an empty jar.…

This looked like the most mentally taxing thing he’s ever done in his life.

Dude looked legit winded from the hard thinks to read the script and not let his mouth hole just wander off and report on whatever his attention span had just wandered to.

Or maybe that’s just him being winded from the elevated heart rate…

Mr. Manafort, good news and bad news.

Good news: We sold your ostrich skin jacket so that you can pay your vent succubus to leave you alone.

Bad news: Best offer we got was -$4.

So actually if you could leave that in the vent for us that’d be great.