There are a number of people who don't see him as a joke. It's rather scary.

I am nearly certain that that .gif should not be giving me a boner, and yet, here we are.

the shaking foot of the t-rex. Jim Cooke you savage, savage man.

Yeah I don’t think I’ve used an audible notification sound (other than wake-up alarm) on my phone since like, high school. At which time, I should point out, they had not invented song ringtones.

Wrong, here’s the real list:

I hope she bankrupts his amoral ass.

"find something you love" is such bullshit. Seriously what do I love to do? Let's see, sit around on my couch and watch tv, read, eat, and maybe masturbation. How the hell would you make money doing those things? Lol.

First world problems. God forbid the color was Ferrari red too!!!!!!

So you prefer to not draw attention, and fly under that radar. So NATURALLY you'd choose to drive a white 458 Italia Spyder in Manhattan.

Well, as a true dyed-in-the-wool pervert who used to sell sex toys, I can tell you that my immediate first thought was, "oh yeah. Textured." So that would be my guess as to why pepperoni. If you don't want to go out and buy a big veiny dildo, this might be your cheapest option. Or else he's using the cheap stuff…

Uh, grand central?

That's because it is.

We at the Jalopnik staff went through a lot of alternate headlines for this article. Here are some:

You think I can afford a drink on an airplane?

Just checked mine - it had an old password. Just an FYI. Not saying anyone shouldn't change their password - of course you should.

Information about cops being shot at, shot, injured, and killed already exists in several places, and is centralized by the FBI and multiple outside organizations. The data we're collecting is not tracked comprehensively by any government agency.

Yep. Nearly a century of exposure to fiendishly clever marketing has really taken a toll on our framing and expectations.
Personally, I'm banking on my new car to complete me.

If you had said you didn't think he was good looking that's a dissenting opinion, you putting down the fact OTHER people think he is is just insecure crying. There isn't "one way" a guy is hot any more than there is for women, people have different tastes. Don't put other people's taste down, it's silly.