This was parody, right? This is just a satire of a butthurt St Louis native and/or Cards fan, yes? Because it's spot-on if it is.

I never realized being from the Midwest was a race.

Forget the actual subject of this article, tell me more about this guinea pig onesie.

pregnant lady strip club. "let's heat it for samantha, those double-ds aren't the only twins she's carrying"

I've spent my whole post-adolescent life drinking for two. Where's my custom bar? (It's all of them until the bartender refuses to serve you/hitting rock bottom)

Agreed. I'm finding myself really liking her lately, and it's like I don't even know who I am any more.

It's something I think about fairly often- I'm on opiate painkillers for my degenerative spinal condition- I'm technically allowed to drive on them, but it's up to me to determine what a safe level is in regards to driving (I have determined that pretty well, I think). Still, if I were to cause an accident, I'm not…

It would explain why Matt Damon was so drunk.

I'm usually not one for fashion or weddings, but the detailing on the top Amal's dress is so beautiful, I can't look away.

Everyone at Amal's wedding got an iPod? Not surprised - Bono was probably handing them out. "Hey guys, our new album is already on here! No, don't walk away, I'll just slip this into your bag, then."

NO oversized or excessive jewelry

We spoke with an employee at the restaurant, who said you can wear just about anything for lunch or dinner, but the dress code is strictly enforced during concert events.

Amazingly enough, that wasn't deliberate. I literally could not find a useable picture of him NOT wearing a bandanna through Getty or AP.

SpongeBob also adores his low-paying fast food job, so you'd think governments would endorse his message heartily!

I was a bank teller at a savings and loan in downtown Cleveland for awhile. I had this one homeless man that stayed at the YMCA , who would come to my window everyday and deposit several cheques for very small amounts... $.50, $1, $3. They were stock dividend cheques, rebate cheques...never over $5. He never took any…

There is a guy that lives in the development that I grew up in that did his banking at an instore bank. I worked there for a few months in college. He had a mil in there (not FDIC guaranteed, but whatevs.) He seriously smelled like shit. He had a farm but I guess the reason for his money was that his family owned the…

Actually her resume says rocket surgeon.

I just finished watching Ken Burns' documentary on the Roosevelts, and I'm getting a strong Eleanor R. vibe from this photo. She was told all her life that she was ugly and unworthy, and did more to make the world a better place than ten "beautiful" people (and I don't think she was ugly at all!). I am glad Chelsea…

"it's my show"