I mean even it had optimal ratings it would be the equivalent of couch change in whatever transnational corporation owns Comedy Central. It’s remarkable how few shows we would have seen had today’s instant demographic gratification standard been used back then: Cheers, Hill Street Blues and 12:30 am Conan come to…

What does God need with Jefferson Starship?

(scoff) More like Oh, I’m High

They should team up with CNN’s dogged coverage and call it Where All The White Women At

The debate isn’t fairness... it’s about unique page views! (pupils turn to dollar signs)

Well she just crossed the Manigault Line.

We’ve got hearsay and conjecture, those are KINDS of evidence

This is so monochromatically geared that I’m surprised ‘wear a name tag so you won’t be mistaken for Ed Flanders’ didn’t come up as a bullet point

An alligator with sunglasses? Now I’ve seen everything!

Not technically correct, the sun is not in our atmosphere.

Now for some private sector swimming.

(scoff) More like “doesn’t KARE”

Or, 3.1 Pitinos.

And I’d never have heard about it but for the cutting-edge news amalgamation algorithm of Jezebel ‘98!

I thought last year was terrific, all full of promise and then getting swept by the Mets, a series in which they were never ahead so who cares if they got Aroldis Chapman.

You can go ahead and write the ‘Cardinals lose 56th game’ headline, it’s 7-0 Cubs with Adam Wainwrong having only retired three batters.

We won’t know the full impact until the Hiddleswift dissertations begin getting swatted down by committees in 2018

Move over Dante, we’ve a new standard for Purgatory.

Given the contrariness of the Hemisphere opposite, I thought he and Bubba would be well-mannered non-redasses in Rio.

Maybe in the back of our minds we knew we were getting a non-Bud Adams-owned team in the near-future. Plus maybe we thought the Rockets/Comets and their recent success (six championships in as many years) could sustain us