Mitch McConnell looks like he’s on death’s doorstep.
True fact: Pete actually has an average penis, but he does have a 9 inch tongue and breathes through his ears.
Isn’t he too short to be a Universe Warrior?
Could do a Joey Pizza Special. 2 Pizzas!
On a tampon related topic that isn’t mind bogglingly awful, my daughter chanted Torah on Yom Kippur, and when she was done, she sat down and whispered, “Thank goodness that’s over. My tampon was falling out. I’m headed to the bathroom now.”
I believe it was Groucho Marx who said: “I would never want a text from a celebrity who would actually respond to my texts.”
My ex-wife hated casual-dining places not because the food was reheated or any of that but because “if we’re gonna eat fast food, let’s just go to Del Taco and pay fast food prices instead of spending $40.”
Meanwhile Dunkin Donuts will straight up microwave your egg dish right in front of your face. Often while making hard eye contact with you. And then you’ll pay them money.
This is about to unleash Kenny Powers-style chaos.
I believe that was in his 1952 autobiography: “Crazy Legs: Portrait of a President”
That way the bottom crust has time to cook a little bit before the juicy fruit filling can thaw, thus preventing the dreaded “soggy bottom.”
So “Moo-kake” is all good then?
My childhood cat once ate about three feet of that metallic silver Christmas tinsel. We knew he’d gotten into the tree and wrecked stuff, but didn’t realize that he’d actually eaten anything until days later when he started to pass it.
I had a dream in which the Armenian mafia was trying to steal my kidney so they could transplant it into a horse that was ascending to the papacy; when I woke up, I was told I had been repeatedly been punching my husband in the face as I slept.
I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.
“Intergluteal Cleft” would be a FANTASTIC name for a rock band.