Are you a coroner?

Orlando Bloom has not aged well. Bringing Legolas back for the recent Hobbit movies was not a good decision, because they made it so apparent that Bloom has never been much of an actor, what he had going for him as a youngun’ was basically great good looks.

Um, you sound like a family to avoid.

The most annoying thing about being sick in the summer is that no one really believes you. It’s 100 degrees outside, no one is buying your flu or cold, even though it’s real, because apparently people can only be sick when it’s cold outside.

Many regular Jalopnik and Gawker commenters have some kind of axe to grind about the supposed awfulness of Jezebel commenters. Weirdly, I never see this behavior on Deadspin.

As a mostly curly girl myself, those are some excellent locks. It looks like you have flatter roots compared to the body of your hair (as do I) so if you plan to wear it curly, don’t be afraid to turn your head upside down and give your scalp a rough massage to get a bit of volume up there.

I was a picky kid, and I think she had determined that she would not allow me to be one of those children who live on chicken tenders and mac and cheese.

Toasted with butter is probably the most acceptable way to eat a cinnamon raisin bagel, but I stand by my assertion that they are the worst form of bagel.

I recant. The yellowfin tuna you get on sushi is delicious. I’m damaged from a childhood with a mother who made a lot of tunafish salad (oh god, the rancid smell, the squashy texture...) and believed in cleaning your plate.

Cinnamon raisin bagels are already terrible and a crime against bagels. To pair one with a garbage fish like tuna, which smells and tastes like all of the rotten vegetables in a refrigerator combined?

Thank you. It blows my mind that goddam adults somehow do not understand this.

Nah, with Cosby, the public felt betrayed. This just feels inevitable.

When he finds out he could talk by hitting the speaker button the whole time....

This happened:

There is one open-water swimming event, apparently, the 10K marathon. So that will basically be those people marinating themselves in sewage. I hope no one dies.

Damn, I even went to official olympic games page to check the events and figure out what I was missing, but I didn’t realize the marathon was open-water

Dumb Question Amnesty:

It made me sad for him because he’ll grow up knowing he was supposed to have a twin, on top of being around two sets of them all the time, every day. I think that could make a kid depressed, or angry, that he’s missing out on that really close relationship his sisters have.

I am convinced there will be a knock-off version of Strawberry Curls’s dress on modcloth in less than a month.

To everyone who suggested etsy: y’all nailed it. I found a couple that are exactly what I wanted, now I’m just narrowing it down to one.