Oh I will definitely understand spit up. Especially for reflux kids. That you can’t help. But it’s the “we’re out of the house shopping in shirts covered in poop” that I more roll my eyes at. And I’ll definitely admit that those nails seem cumbersome, but maybe you just get used to them. I mean, you’d have to be…

For me, the little nugget of judgment I feel towards all of them for anything child-related is rooted in my own bitter jealousy. It’s the bitter jealousy of “you didn’t have to change your life AT ALL.”

Harley-Davidsons, bourbon, and jeans. ‘Murica.

AVOCADO TOAST

I’m surprised the NRA even knows Parks & Rec, I guess there are no decent Duck Dynasty memes.

It accurately describes how you feel, though. The days after giving birth is a haze, but the one thing I remember with clarity is how AWESOME it felt to be able to get out of bed like a normal person and not roll out bed like a whale carcass being pushed out to sea

Am I the only one that thinks baby feet are precious?

So maybe Trump’s immigration plans are just veiled attempts to keep his in-laws away?

*sings* This family weirds me out! [Just Jared]

She’s got it all wrong: Sweatpants are awesome for regular life, but terrible for working out. There’s too much fabric, so increased friction. Plus, when you sweat, they take forever to dry. Sport tights/leggings are the far superior choice for working out, from a practical POV.

“I really hate Chinese people. I hate them so much that I’m going to risk alienating the NBA’s fastest growing fan base, my current pocasting side-gig, and any future hopes at a future in media so that I can sneak this insult into a Chinese New Year greetings video that 400 people are probably going to actually watch.…

It’s very hard to watch this video—and especially this video, which zeroes in on Redick’s message—and not wonder whether J.J. Redick is, in fact, trying to smuggle an insult into what is otherwise meant to be a greeting.

In other news, we are having the largest gun show in south Florida this weekend in Miami.

Being married is hard.

Babies are cute.

Thirst does not age well.

The end.

the 2-cheeseburger meal is my standard order. it’s the perfect amount of fatty deliciousness and soul-crushing regret.

My kid’s high school did a hard lock down practice run today. This is our country now, and republicans are perfectly okay with dead children as long as their guns are safe from harm.

Shame there’s literally nothing we could do to prevent school shootings.

Oh man, after finally reading it it’s even dumber than we’d imagined. What a wet fart Nunes has produced here.

Trump has barely tweeted in the last three days, gosh, I hope he’s ok!

I am not a medical doctor but, judging from how long the media has been covering this story, Kylie should be about 28 months pregnant by now. So, shouldn’t it be more obvious? Or in pre-school?