Haha is that Lupita's brother photobombing the best selfie ever? Lucky guy!
You're assuming way too much knowledge of your holidays. I and I'm sure a lot of other people had no idea that Ash Wednesday was coming up or even what it means. Beyond that, no one was making fun of Jesus the figure, but the article was making fun of the weird, white-washed, overly sexualized versions of him that are…
"We are broken-hearted and we anticipate that we will continue to live in pain"
Next on his vendetta list—The Onion! Did you know most of their stories aren't even TRUE?!
Responding to a satirist with harrumphy self-importance typically goes really, really well.
To the couple: When I was first out of college, my sister's father died and I had to choose between petitioning for custody, letting her go into foster care, living a with a friend of the family, or going back to live with our very inept, unstable mother. She's been with me now for almost six years, and while I would…
And c'mon, she's almost 30. At that point the age gap isn't so much of a deal.
It also means instead of rolling over in the middle of the night grabbing baby and inserting breast, you have to get and make a bottle, then grab baby and insert bottle.
Are you seriously asking her to...
I did the breatherian diet for a month once. I wound up looking like Ken.
I desperately want to go on a horseback safari in Kenya, but I don't have the funds. Do you think if I agree to first marry the horse people will give me money? I am also willing to marry a Land Rover or a wildebeest if that might be an easier sell.
He hugged me when I met him and I could have died happy right then. I was a fan of his since his first album, but when I met him it was my fifth live show of his in five years. I was fangirling so hard but he carried on these completely normal convos with everyone who was not starstruck into silence with me.
LINDY!
I give serious side eye to guys who claim to love 69, I think what they are really saying is "I love blow jobs and would like to eat you out in the laziest manner possible".
It can be nice for a moment or two, but then someone has got to take over, it's just not possible to match up parts so perfectly and to maintain both concentration and enjoyment in that position.
So basically it boils down to, I'm uncool because I wear Lands End because I like it, and they're cool because they wear Lands End because of layers upon layers of irony.
I WEAR MY FLEECE HOODIE WITH HORSES RUNNING ON IT BECAUSE IT'S FREEZING IN ONTARIO . THE AIR HURTS. I'M COLD OKAY.
Can we talk about the flats part? I seem to recall hearing every man on the planet whining about how, sure, heels are sexy and all, but also soooo stupid and impractical and how tired they are of walking with us when we wear them. But flats mean I don't want to get laid? Pray tell, menfolk, what footwear should I…