Colostomy Bag?

My husband fainted on an escalator in San Francisco a few weeks ago and cracked the back of his head open.

I hate that it’s damn near impossible to replace the band on my Fitbit. My $100+ fitness tracker becomes useless due to a 50 cent piece of rubber. Bah!

Whenever I think of what’s been dragging down The Simpsons of late, it’s never the writing or the producing — it’s the music.

::taps mic::