Phuq you, Velveeta is the bomb for grilled cheese and mac n'

Word. A Velveeta grilled cheese with rye bread is life affirming.

Maybe she had a few KNOB CREEKS too many.

yes. I put down two of those cheese rice bean burritos from Taco Bell for lunch yesterday. Still just a buck. Slather with a combo of verde and fire salsa, pretty damned good. (spare the preachy foodie commentary, it is my one fast food vice. Every use of the word "authentic" will result in two more burritos scarfed.)

Thank you for that! I literally cringe every timeI hear "authentic" in a food context. My sister in law spent a semester in Italy about 87 years ago, and is always starting sentences with "Well in Italy they...". The funny thing is she makes pasta carbonara with cream, which apparently is punishable by death in Italy.…

yeah, you are right, it does not matter when you add the salt. It dissolves and is evenly distributed withina minute. Just like there is no difference if you add a teaspoon of sugar to the bottom of a coffee cup before you pour, or dump it in after you pour. If it is dissolved, it makes no difference. Thermodynamics,…

Thank you! Even as a little kid I thought neopolitan kinda sucked (I still ate it, but...). Right up there with ice milk and jello in the Sucky Dessert Hall of Shame.

Exactly. To me, a scallop with bacon is like a buffalo wing - maybe not the best possible use of the protein but tasty when done right. Albert is a likeable weirdo, railing against bacony scallops whilst instructing us to be sure to put bacon in clam chowder. Musta bumped his head a lot as a child.

Indeed. My team and I have done a meta-analysis, and we find that while the methodology is flawless, there is a 65.8% chance that you are full of it, and a 98.5% chance that I will hurl 95mph Red Delicious apples at your unprotected head the next time you leave the house. Good day sir.

As soon as I read that drinking enough water reduces the risk of breast cancer by 79%, I knew everything else in that link was BS. I mean, fuck mammograms, stupit beyaches just need some damn water. Gonna email Johns Hopkins so they can retool their research.

Just take regular chips and sprinkle on some Old Bay. Phuq.

Only if it includes fettucine flavor as well.

We had a guest from the UK last year, and she brought a bunch of those over. I was super skepticle, and boy was I wrong. The prawn cocktail ones were borderline awesome. The cat pictured above also approved. Smart Food is her crack.

Well, OK, but maybe if you duct tape it to a chair and reverse cowgirl?

whaddaya mean? All ya gotta do is make a silcone mold of your erect junk, have your girlfriend attach it to a strapon, and BAM, you are now fucking yourself. Helpful hint: no such thing as too much lube.

Thanks man. I was about to make grilled cheese and tomato soup. Think I will skip the soup.

Come on now, grape nuts have their place. Like when you need to clean the bath tub and realize you ran out of Comet.

Yeah, Will, it is legal, but only as a subtle flavor note. I have had bacony chowder and it is kinda nasty. Go to stah mahket and get some Captain Parkers. Better yet, if you are on the South Shaw, the chowder at Haddads in Marshfield is ex ellent. Get a quart of the lobster bisque to take home. Epic.

Thank you! Celery has absolutely NO PLACE in chowdah. Onions, maybe, but only if very finely minced. Salt pork only in very small quantity. Ham, FUCK NO. Remember, this is the pinhead who puts lettuce on a cheese steak, so perhaps some sympathy is in order here. And Albert, you are dead on about the canned clams. I…

"Hey Chief, Ron Howard is running around with a platter of burgers and won't give us any!"