This joke is like a habanero. There was a delayed reaction but once it hit me I died.

Snoop and Wiz come to town to do a super “Legalize It!” concert on Christmas Day only to find their main supplier just got busted! Seth Rogen is general sales guy who really really likes pot. He just got passed over for a huge client and he just found he and his wife are about to have baby no. 2. He needs cash. He…

I literally just gave myself a pep talk in the shower yesterday and the thesis of it was “everything is fucking stupid so don’t worry about stupid shit” and it made me feel WAY better. I want to write a self help book called Hate Stuff to Feel Better. It’ll just be like “that stuff? That stuff is fucking stupid.”

I am so proud to know a woman who asked a guy in DC to move his briefcase off the seat so she could sit her 8+ month preggo self down. He pretended he did not hear her, so at the next stop, she grabbed said briefcase and threw it out the door. She felt kind of guilty later, per her text to me. I still believe it was…

*sends bryce dallas howard a box of post-its*

2/10 troll

So the plane crashes, Juliette survives but will need physical therapy?

I’m sure deep down she really respects your need to remain morally pure.

Sam Bee is not obligated to support your quixotic dream of remaking our democracy at the expense of our actual democracy.

I am so excited for the bad reviews though *_*

The entire existence of 50 Shades of whatever is justified for these awesome gif-filled reviews: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/34…

I have downloaded several of the songs off the album and feel residual shame because I worry that someone will see the album art and think I’m actually a fan of the books/movies.

I’m not surprised that Wilson is team All-Lives, but I’m disappointed that Sherman is too. You’d think that a guy like Sherman, who himself has been the target of bigoted criticisms for things that white guys get a pass on, would be on the right side of this issue.

I’ll say what I essentially said a few days back: if you are upset with what Colin Kaepernick is doing, but you’re OK with what Donald Trump stands for, then maybe #YouAreTheFuckingProblem.

Jesus, you scared me for a minute there.

Oh — Emirjeta Xhelili? Of the Mayflower Xhelilis?

All the mini-celebs (Reese’s daughter, Cindy Crawford’s daughter) today are making me feel the ravages of Father Time.

Um....why do people get so offended by it? I mean, it’s just a joke. Everyone is so politically correct nowadays? I mean, can’t a country boy just put on a white cloak and burn a cross?

To listen to while watching the above .gif.