Imagine knowing that there were children being enslaved out there and being like, “You know what, I shouldn’t talk about this to all these reporters, it might distract them from their rightful focus on Matt Hasselbeck.”

And with quality content like this, I can see why!

Dearest Bryce:

It's a carp!

DeMarco Murray is flying to Philadelphia this morning with the expectation he will be an Eagle

"We didn't bring Sam in here to be a chip. I'm the only 'chip' here." - Chip Kelly, always yuks

"That song goes, 'Ding, ding, ding, da-ding-da." Mine goes, "Ding, Ding, ding, da-ding-da, DING, DING, da-ding-da, ding, ding. See it's not the same!"

I'm guessing a lot of artists will be under pressure to stop, collaborate and listen to what their attorneys have to say.

To me, the last model looks blue with black hair.

Editor's note: We used the male pronoun in this piece because there has been no official confirmation from Jenner about a transition, nor has Jenner made clear any preference regarding pronouns. Please feel free to email me at marchman@deadspin.com if you have any questions or concerns.

I always thought that was just a one-off Simpsons joke.

Wow, New England, even all of the goddamn oceans are against you.

I can't imagine how a 20-year-old who lost a brother 3 months ago and has been living 6000 miles away from his family is having a rough year.

I love my Klean Kanteen. Stainless steel with a leak-proof sport nozzle. Takes a beating and easy to clean, and the benefits of stainless over plastic are numerous.

I love my Klean Kanteen. Stainless steel with a leak-proof sport nozzle. Takes a beating and easy to clean, and the…

Seems legit

Just some Saran wrap, Barry? That's Saran Holiday Wrap, thank you very much.

"I know what it feels like to run out of reporting, because I have run out of reporting."

Dear Watt, I wrote you but you still ain't calling