Sweet Jeebus, I have been saying this for years. I have lived next to THREE retired men in my adult life, in three different cities.

The current one is mowing right now. He also mowed Sunday. Yes, it’s Tuesday.

I am wholly convinced that upon retirement, there is a secret old-man-ritual, in which the retiree has a…

Of course he’s dying, he’s already got a quarter pounder lodged in his left anterior descending coronary artery. One fry too many and we really WILL be great again (or at least slightly better).

Thank you McDonald’s. This is how American greed and capitalism will save us all.

As I have tried to explain to people in my life who are really excited about this and side with the baker?

There is a difference between declining to make a cake because the content is personally distasteful, and refusing service to a person because of WHO THEY ARE. Many of these same sex couples are being refused not…

“Feckless”, now, that is pure genius. Because half of Trump’s hardcore fan club are going, “Well of course she’s feckless, she’s a GIRL.”

People think, “Oh! Spy stuff! Like ‘James Bond’! Cool gadgets, casinos, hot women, jumping out of airplanes! ”

No...more like an entire season of befriending some super-nice person and ruining their lives for information. Or, say, decapitating a coworker and throwing their head and hands into a river.

And mail robots.

Anyone else watch them haul out the first few cats and think, “Good Lord, I’ve heard about this...CAT JUGGLING! Could there be a God that would let this happen?!”

I like how his attorney seems to find his client completely reliable, given that said client recently murdered 10 people.

Someone who knows how to do this stuff is going to make a gif, and then also create a video with this shit set to “Run” by AWOLNation, right? RIGHT?! Because that needs to happen!!

When people ask about my retirement plans, I say “A nice quick heart attack in my sleep at around 68-70.”

I used to be a nurse. I know exactly what I am talking about, so no, I am not kidding.

I’m from Oklahoma. I am here right now. It’s an introvert’s nightmare.

SAME!! I too have a Russian soul.

I remember reading a book that Katya Gordeeva wrote about being a newlywed, and finding out she was pregnant while on tour with Stars On Ice. The American skaters were all excited, screaming “CONGRATULATIONS!!”, giving her gifts, etc. She was really confused.

The Russian skaters were…

OMG, the air horn at the diving meet. I cried.

Her actions assisted in making another woman’s children motherless for the rest of their lives.

True. A damn parade that literally only one person wants is much better.

Former OB nurse. They are literally all cartilage and unfused at this point. It’s awesome/really creepy.

And I used to really respect how she rose above her traumatic childhood and how she took care of her siblings. The woman was damn poor...like digging in the school trash as a kid poor. (Even though I don’t like modern country music, I am in Oklahoma, so I don’t have much choice in being exposed to it.)

Now? This woman…

Oh, Barbara openly loathed him. Made no secret of it.

It’s been over twenty years (seriously, WTF, twenty YEARS), and every single picture, everything she wore, her hair, the makeup....all of it would still look fantastic today, on my daughter who wasn’t even alive in the late 90's.

That, my friends, is TIMELESS.

(Except her eyebrows. There was a bizarre, bald eyes thing…

I’ll fight you on this one. “Hardhome” was fucking amazing.

The FBI does not get the “okey dokey” from any judge to raid any attorney’s office without a very, VERY good reason. There are two things they take dead seriously...attorney client privilege and spoliation of evidence.